What is it about this lifestyle that makes me weak in the knees? What is it about a strong-willed man that just makes me go crazy? Am I a weak woman because I look to a man for guidance?

I am by no means weak. At least I don't think I am. I recently told a friend about my 'proclivities'. Telling me I'm weak was one of the nicest things she said to me.

I shouldn't let her shake my confidence. It took me long enough to accept myself as I am. To let someone, even if it was a pretty good friend, shake that, just shows me I might not be as confident as I thought I was.

But I just can't see myself not submitting to a man. I look back at my 'vanilla' relationships, and how unhappy I was. And I can't imagine being in another one of them. I've tasted what it's like to be owned. I can't go back to the monotony of a 'normal' relationship.

Even if I have to wait years to be in the type of relationship I want, I will. I refuse to settle for something less than I deserve. That doesn't seem to be very submissive of me, but I really don't care.

I know in my last post, I mentioned I have a submissive personality. But that seems to be deep down. Around dominant people, I have a submissive personality. Around submissive people, I tend to have a dominant personality. Does that make me a switch?

I have said before that personality does not dictate your orientation. Certain people bring out certain aspects of my personality, but I am submissive through and through. Even when the dominant part of my personality comes out, I am submissive.

But that still confuses me. I say I'm submissive, but I identify as a slave. I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. I'm getting nowhere fast.

To me, submissive/slave is the same thing. You are a slave because you are submissive. You have a need to submit. So why the distinction? Why are people so hell bent on labeling themself as something, and not something else. Why am I? Why can't I just accept myself as a submissive? Why am i so hell bent on telling everyone I am a slave? As if being a slave means I belong to some elitist club that only certain people are allowed in.

Why do I care how other people see me? I know who/what I am. I know what I enjoy/what I don't enjoy. Why can't I just accept that?

Labels only matter to the people using them. I don't care how other people identify themself as. I only care about me. I am a submissive who identifies as a slave. Can a person be both?